For years, every sales conversation felt like an act I had to keep up. The change that ended it was small. I moved my attention onto the person across from me and what they were trying to decide, and the strain went with it. If sales calls feel that way for you, the fastest fix is a change in stance, and anyone can make it. On a sales call, your attention belongs on the other person's decision. It helps to first get clear on what sales is.
Why do sales calls feel uncomfortable when you're good at your job?
For me, the discomfort came from the gap between how I operate and how I thought I had to show up on a sales call. The picture in my head was someone more outgoing and quicker than me. That person asked for things in a way that felt false coming from me. So every call became a small performance. Performing is exhausting, and it doesn't land, because the person across from you can feel it. They can tell when your attention is on yourself. The exhaustion made sense. I was putting on a version of myself the work didn't need. If you're good at what you do and selling still feels bad, look at the stance the call is asking you to take. That's usually the source of the discomfort.
What mindset shift makes selling comfortable?
I can name the call where it clicked. I was talking with someone whose situation I understood well. About ten minutes in, I noticed the part of my brain that usually ran the act had switched off. I was listening to her lay out her problem, raising the questions a colleague would, and saying what I thought. It was the easiest sales call I'd had. She signed at the end, because the conversation had been useful to her.
That call showed me the shift. You're there to help the other person figure out whether what you do fits what they need. Once that's the job, there's nothing left to perform.
What changes when you stop performing on sales calls?
A few things changed at once. The calls started to feel like work I was already good at. I listened, diagnosed, and helped someone think through a decision, the same things I did every day in the rest of my job. The shift gave me permission to use them on a sales call too.
The clients I signed got better, as well. The act had been drawing people who respond to a good show. Once it was gone, the people who signed valued a straight, honest conversation. Those were the people I wanted anyway.
It also freed up the energy I'd spent on the act, and I put it into the conversation.
How do you get comfortable on sales calls?
The practice starts with awareness. A few moves help.
Notice when your attention swings back to yourself. The act takes over when you're tracking how you sound or what to say next. When you catch it, move your attention back to what the other person needs.
Go in with one question for yourself. What is this person trying to figure out, and what would help them? Once you have an answer, the rest of the call has a job to do. You stop reaching for the act to fill the gap.
Let silence sit. The show rushes to fill it. In a good conversation, silence is where the other person thinks. Leave it alone, and they'll fill it with what you need to hear.
Debrief after each call. Ask yourself two things. Was I more focused on their situation or on my own performance? Would I have wanted to be on the other side of that call? Those two questions build the habit.
The next call you have, pick one of these, probably the debrief, and do it.
Frequently asked questions
On the other person and what they're trying to decide. When you catch your attention drifting back to how you sound or what to say next, move it back to them.
